


The Way to a Man's Heart is Through His Stomach (Friends Don’t Let Friends Remix)

by merycula (thanksillpass)



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-28
Updated: 2014-08-28
Packaged: 2018-02-13 16:34:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2157570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thanksillpass/pseuds/merycula
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sakurai is in love, Aomine is oblivious, and Momoi has to deal with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Way to a Man's Heart is Through His Stomach (Friends Don’t Let Friends Remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sylindara](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sylindara/gifts).
  * Inspired by [The Way to a Man's Heart is Through His Stomach (and also through his feet)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1235860) by [Sylindara](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sylindara/pseuds/Sylindara). 



In hindsight, perhaps Satsuki should have seen this coming. Sakurai’s constant, dejected sighs and melancholic absentmindedness didn’t escape her notice, of course, but she would have never expected the actual reason behind them.

“I’m in love with Aomine-san,” he confessed when she pressed him. “I’m sorry, I’m the worst! It’s affecting not only me but you too! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”

Momoi felt sweat bead on her forehead as Ryou started bowing and apologizing frantically. She lifted her hands in a placating gesture, willing her mouth to form a smile instead of a panicked grimace.

“No, no, Sakurai-kun, it’s alright, I just… somehow… expected better of you… Aomine-kun? _Really?_ ”

“I’m sorry!”

Satsuki sighed in defeat and awkwardly patted Ryou’s bent back. “There, there.”

Ryou sniffled pathetically, finally straightening up. He bit his lip and looked at Momoi pleadingly, wringing his hands on his jacket, and she couldn’t help but pity him. Aomine Daiki was probably the worst possible person to fall in love with – that much she knew even though she herself wasn’t exactly an expert in romance. He was inattentive, lazy, simpleminded and intensive. Not to mention his disgustingly immature obsession with breasts. Lost in the horrifying thoughts, it took her a while to realize that Ryou was talking to her.

“Huh, did you say something, Sakurai-kun?”

“I’m sorry, yes!” he yelped, blushing. “Please, help me, Momoi-san! Please! I don’t know what to do! You know Aomine-san better than anyone! What should I do?! Please, help me!”

With every word, Ryou took a step towards her, forcing her to take a step back every time until her back hit the wall. Sakurai, seeing her overwhelmed expression, started apologizing again. Satsuki almost went cross-eyed from the overload of frantic words and emotions; she was decidedly not good at this – she was an analyst, not a psychologist! And while she did know Aomine pretty well, she had virtually no idea how to woo men! Did people even say _woo_ anymore?! Ryou kept wailing like a dying animal and Momoi finally gave in.

“Fine, fine, I’ll help you! Please, stop apologizing!”

Sakurai’s relieved smile almost blinded her and she could still hear his thank you’s and I’m sorry’s ringing in her ears even as she went back to her classroom. Obviously, the only natural way of venting was kicking Dai-chan as soon as she saw him, but that irresponsible bastard skipped practice _again._ Ah, she wished she could see Tetsu-kun – he was sure to alleviate all her grieves just with his presence.

She opted for calling him as soon as the practice ended, certain his soothing voice would help nonetheless. Kuroko sounded tired but he was as polite as ever and it made her heart swell. She knew she could be overbearing with her affection sometimes but Tetsu-kun had never made her feel bad about it because he was an absolutely perfect human being. They talked a bit about trivial things like exams, Nigou, and the latest line of basketball shoes, before Satsuki decided to awkwardly bring up the subject of Sakurai’s predicament.

“What would you say was the best way to seduce a man?” she asked, immediately regretting her blunt choice of words. “It’s for a friend!”

She could almost hear Tetsu-kun smile. “Of course. Then, I’ll go ahead and suggest cooking. As the saying goes,  the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. I find it to be surprisingly accurate.”

“Ehh?!” she whined in shock, completely ignoring the advice. “Who’s been cooking for Tetsu-kun?! I can’t believe it! That’s just too cruel!”

Kuroko chuckled softly. “That’s a secret. Now, if you excuse me, Momoi-san. I hope my advice helps. Good night.”

Momoi puffed out her cheeks petulantly, determined to solve the mystery next time she visited Seirin. At least she knew it wasn’t their captain, because Aida-senpai was as horrendous at cooking as Satsuki herself, and it helped her sleep a little.

Ryou was late to practice and he didn’t even apologize to Imayoshi before cornering Momoi, which shocked everyone. As soon as Sakurai realized his slip-up, he promptly apologized to anyone who cared to listen. Satsuki watched him wistfully scan the gymnasium in search of Aomine and her heart admittedly broke a little at his defeated sigh. She smiled comfortingly at Ryou and beckoned him with her hand.

“The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach,” she announced in an expert tone. “Especially to a man-child’s like Aomine-kun. Trust me. Cook for him. He’ll love it.”

She nodded to herself, pleased with her performance and already glad for the future filled with the blissful absence of high-school drama; she trusted Sakurai to take care of the rest. But his huge doe eyes went even bigger and more helpless as they slowly filled with tears. Momoi squeaked.

“I already make him a bento every single day!” wailed Ryou desperately. “It’s not working! What else am I supposed to do?!”

Satsuki gritted her teeth, feeling her brow twitch. What a hassle; these… _children_ surely deserved each other. Sakurai kept whimpering softly, looking like he had just completely lost faith in humanity. Momoi wished she held more authority among the team, like Imayoshi-san, but just because she was a _girl,_ everyone thought they could just _cry_ at her.

Luckily, she had spent a fair amount of time observing the best captains at work. For all his obvious flaws, Akashi-kun certainly knew how to keep his team in check, and while Momoi didn’t have Ki-chan’s copying skills, she knew most of Akashi’s tricks by heart. Raising her chin and crossing her arms on her chest, she glared at Ryou with as much cold professionalism as she could muster.

“Do. Better.” she said, turned around and left, accompanied by an endless string of apologies.

Sakurai didn’t bother her for the rest of the week, but she couldn’t help but notice the way he came to the morning practice with hope-filled eyes only to come back after classes more depressed than ever. She applauded Ryou’s focus, however, because no matter how brokenhearted he seemed, it miraculously didn’t affect his play – perhaps he was channeling his helplessness and frustration properly. Despite her better judgment, she approached him one day after the afternoon practice, carefully gauging for information.

“I don’t think he noticed,” confessed Sakurai as they sat against the wall, pressing their knees to their chests. “I don’t know what else to do… I’m making more effort, I really am! I make sure the food looks great, and it _does,_ I know it does! I even bought new, more expensive separators. I’m so sorry, I’m so bad at this. You went through so much trouble to help me too! I’m so sorry!”

Satsuki patted his head awkwardly. “Don’t worry about it. Trust me, it’s not you, it’s him. He’s just an oblivious idiot. Lovable for some strange reason, but an idiot nonetheless. Just… keep trying? I’m sure he’ll come around in no time!”

Ryou looked at her as if she just hung the moon, his eyes wide and starry. “Thank you, Momoi-san!”

Momoi smiled, genuinely moved by Sakurai’s sincerity. He was a good boy, an infinitely patient hard-worked with a gentle heart and surprising determination when it came to certain matters. All things considered, she was happy that someone like Ryou liked her best friend and she suddenly felt the need to reassure him.

“You know, Sakurai-kun… I know Dai-chan seems like he doesn’t care, but he’s actually pretty fired up for the upcoming match with Seirin. I’m sure he’ll pay more attention to other things as soon as it’s over.”

Sakurai nodded, smiling gratefully. “Momoi-san is the best!”

“You bet I am!” she said with a playful wink before putting her finger to her chin and humming. “Maybe we should be a bit more bold, hm? You’re good at art, aren’t you? Maybe that’s the way?”

“L-like, bento art?” asked Ryou timidly.

“Yup! An easy transition! I doubt Aomine-kun would know what to do with an actual painting…”

Sakurai chuckled. “He’d carve a circle in it and used it as a hoop.”

Satsuki had to cover her mouth when she laughed. The image was simply too hilarious and way too probable. It was somewhat comforting that Ryou didn’t seem to be delusional about Aomine – he was perfectly aware of all his flaws and yet he still liked him for some reason.

“Why _do_ you like him?” she asked on an impulse.

Sakurai shrugged nervously, blushing to the tips of his ears, and Momoi smiled fondly.

If anyone asked her, she’d tell them that such a sweet person like Sakurai Ryou would be wasted on Aomine Daiki in a heartbeat. But there was a part of her that cheered on Sakurai, hoping that he’d be good for her friend, if Dai-chan wouldn’t _ruin_ everything, of course. She was slightly worried about Ryou’s feelings but it wasn’t her place to discourage him; she knew Aomine liked Sakurai more than most of his other acquaintances combined and it was a good enough start. They could figure out the rest themselves.

They chatted for a while about Aomine, exchanging silly stories. She was surprised that Ryou had a fair share of his own anecdotes, mostly from classes and training camps, and she listened to them as greedily as Sakurai absorbed the stories from their childhood. Momoi was the first one to yawn,  unable to stop herself, which caused them to giggle. They decided to implement the Bento Art Project as soon as they won their match with Serin.

But they lost, and the seniors retired, and everyone was sad. Satsuki wasn’t, because Dai-chan wasn’t either, but she was too busy with managing the club to keep track of either him or Ryou. She often caught glimpses of the both of them – usually apart, when most of the time Sakurai looked resigned and Aomine more than a little confused. But from time to time, she saw them together, and she was honestly baffled by the fact that Dai-chan remained completely oblivious to the way Ryou _looked_ at him. Even she was blushing at that, and the conclusion was that her childhood friend was either blind or had some sort of brain damage.

She decided to talk to Sakurai before she let herself be swallowed in preparations to the end-year exams, which mostly consisted of tracking down Aomine and forcing him to make an ounce of effort towards not being held back in the first grade. She ambushed Ryou on his cleaning duty, greeting him with a playful kick in the shin. The smile he offered her was so tired, she felt her own face fall instantly.

“Still nothing, huh?”

Sakurai shook his head, a forced smile plastered to his face. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, you know that.”

“Today I made Mount Fuji. It looked really good. I wish Momoi-san could have seen it.”

“I bet it was amazing,” she whispered, illogically angry at Dai-chan. “He’s such an idiot.”

“I-it’s my fault, for… not being braver. I’m sorry. But when I think about c-confessing… I want to die. I’m so sorry for being so pathetic.”

Satsuki swallowed around a lump in her throat. She understood Ryou much better than he knew – confessing your feelings was hard, the fear of rejection and of ruining a friendship so overwhelming it was nearly impossible to overcome; Momoi Satsuki knew that very well.

“You know, Dai-chan is so narcissistic, I’m beginning to think only seeing a rendition of his own empty head would make him _use_ it,” she joked.

Sakurai snorted. “I might as well try. For the last time.”

“You’re giving up?” she asked, eyes widening in shock. “Sakurai-kun…”

Ryou shrugged, offering her a small lopsided smile, and Momoi wanted to find Aomine and kick him in the face. If she could find him, she would, but he had apparently found himself a new safe house, because whenever she went to look for him on the rooftop, he wasn’t there. Instead, she decided to be optimistic for the both of them, feeling the inexplicable urge to support Sakurai no matter what.

“Try with the face first, kay? I’m, like, _super sure_ it will work! I have a great feeling about this!”

“Thank you, Momoi-san, but I don’t think- I’m sorry but-”

Satsuki cut him off. “And write a letter, just in case! It’s good, right? One last try! Or write him a bad poem about his idiocy! I will write it for you! If he doesn’t take a hint after the face, he deserves an ode to his stupidity! You can leave it in his locker so it’s safe! He’ll have to do _something_ then, right?”

“Momoi-san…”

“You can’t give up!” she shouted, not letting Ryou finish.

She covered her mouth, seeing Sakurai’s spooked expression. Her eyes were stinging with tears and she bit her lip to stop them from spilling. Ryou gaped at her, stunned, and she wanted to laugh at her own silliness. It was none of her business whether Sakurai finally realized what an impossible task it was to turn Aomine’s attention from himself to something, _someone_ else. It wasn’t her place to force Ryou to persevere despite the exhaustion and helplessness; just because _she_ had.

“I won’t, then,” said Sakurai suddenly, making her look up. “Momoi-san is right. I can’t give up. I won’t!”

Momoi laughed happily at the serious, determined tone and Ryou immediately started apologizing for getting fired up. He thanked her and promised to write the letter, asking her to go with him to the club room during lunch the next day. She agreed, squeezing his hand reassuringly.

He made a bento also for her and it made her very happy. She offered to eat it together after concluding their business and she thought it made Sakurai happy too. She assured him that Virgos were extremely lucky that day, for once grateful for Midorin’s ridiculous quirks, and promised to wait for him outside.

As if by fate, she noticed Aomine just around the corner and immediately backed off, hiding behind the wall and leaving unsuspecting Ryou fidgeting in front of the door. She decided to stay, ready to jump to the rescue if Dai-chan decided to be an idiot.

She flinched at the first sound of Aomine’s voice, asking a bit sharply about the bento she saw him carry moments ago. Sakurai spilled instantly, frantically apologizing and putting all the blame on her, of course, that little coward. But then, he said something that made Satsuki smile.

“I’m not sorry about trying to make you fall in love with me.”

Aomine was silent for a while, but then he asked Ryou out on an actual date! Insulting Sakurai’s shoes and then offering to take him out shopping _was_ Aomine Daiki’s idea of a date, that much she was certain of. He even promised to treat Ryou to lunch afterwards and it caused something warm to spread all over her chest. She stifled a giggle at Sakurai’s flustered and surprised reaction and leaned back against the wall, smiling.

When Aomine tried to awkwardly back away and Ryou insisted on following him to eat their lunch together, she couldn’t help puffing out her cheeks, irrationally offended by being ditched so quickly. But when she heard the sound of paper being crumpled, followed by Sakurai’s relieved sigh, she figured she could eat alone, just this once.


End file.
